Being Friends and Embracing Your Differences

Let the wife see that she respects her husband. ~Ephesians 5:33

 

Happy Tuesday, Friends! I know I’m a day late with my Marital Bliss post, but better late than never. I really wanted to make a marriage post this week, and I wanted to talk about the importance of being friends and respecting each other’s difference.  

One thing I love about my marriage is the friendship Matt and I share. From personal experience, I know this isn’t always the case in some relationships whether dating or married.  Friendships are usually built on common interests that are shared among individuals. Matt and I are a lot alike in many ways. Since the day we met, we’ve joked about sharing the same brain. I think this is something that makes our relationship so strong and has built a great friendship between us, but though we share more of the same interest than not, there are still those differences between us.   

Respecting those differences between you and your spouse is another key to building a strong friendship within your marriage. One way we respect the differences between us is by showing interest in what other likes or is passionate about. I love talking and asking questions about Matt’s job. I really do want to hear about it and understand it better. I don’t want to run out and start doing the job alongside him, but I want to know what his days are like away from home. We’ve actually found ourselves in some great conversations when discussing his work. In return, he shows his interests in my work and usually offers some great ideas in the process of our conversation. Does he want to come to a Clever Container class or organize a home office with me? Probably not, but he respects what I do and love. Same goes for our hobbies. He respects my love for horses and I respect the pleasure he finds in fishing, going to the lake, doing DIY projects or whatever it may be.

The differences between you and your spouse shouldn’t separate you and be excuses to do things without each other, they should be what brings you together and builds a friendship that is everlasting. My husband really is my best friend. Of all the friendships I’ve had, the friendship with my husband is by far the best one. I’ve never been so open and honest with anyone else. He takes me as I am, loves me unconditionally, supports me but also guides me-a perfect example of what a friend should be.

Many Blessings,

Rachel

Marital Bliss Monday: Praying for Our Husbands

My husband and I always take time praying together. It’s a moment out of the day when he and I, together, are connected with God thanking Him for our many blessings, thanking Him for bringing us together. We seek His guidance and direction, and we praise Him for leading us through not only times of need, but times of joy and happiness. Praying together can strengthen a marriage tremendously, and it’s amazing to see how close you become as couple. Though praying together is very important, praying for each other is just as important.

Praying for one another also brings you closer. You begin to see changes in each other-good changes- changes that only God can make within someone. I know my husband’s worries, his concerns, his fears, his hopes and dreams. I know how badly he wants to make a great life for us and our future family. I know how hard he works, and though most of the time he comes across confident and emotionally strong, I have to also know there are times when he’s tired and weak.

As his wife, it is my duty to lift my husband up in prayer. I know his struggles and it’s my responsibility to pray The Lord covers him in a calming peace, the kind of peace that only comes from Jesus Christ. I pray for his protection, that he seeks God in all he does and that he’s given the strength needed to get through any situation that comes his way. When I pray, I’m at peace because I know God is in complete control. When I pray, I not only see changes within my husband, but I notice changes within me as well.

Ladies, let’s remember to always lift our husbands up in prayer. Let us pray for their strength and guidance through Jesus. Pray that their worries and concerns disappear and that they receive peace in their hearts.

 

Happy Monday, friends.

 

Many Blessings,

Rachel

 

MBM: Selflessly Compassionate

Hurts, irritations, unmet needs-life is full of them. How ironic it is that marriage often magnifies these things. For example, we might quickly forget a passing critical comment from a coworker, but we remember the same comment for days-or longer- if it comes from our spouse.  And if a casual friend shows a lack of interest in our conversation, we probably think nothing of it. But if our spouse fails to give us undivided attention, look out!

We often ask questions that make our spouse’s hurts worse, such as, “Why is my spouse feeling this way?” “Is my spouse overreacting?” or “Would I feel the same in an identical situation?” when we should be asking, “How could I be more compassionate toward my spouse when he or she is upset, sad, or anxious?” (The One Year Devotions for Couples).

One thing my husband is, is compassionate. Compassionate towards all people, but especially me. What I’ve always admired about him is the way he puts himself in another’s situations before making any kind of judgment. When he and I got married I left behind a lot-my schooling, my job, my family and friends-in order to start our married life in Wyoming. All was left in Oklahoma as I was making the move to Wyoming to begin a brand new life with my husband. Though I couldn’t have asked for more-I was marrying my best friends, the love of my life-it was still a hard move and a huge adjustment. During my most difficult times of adjustments –and I had a few-my husband was always there in a compassionate and sympathetic manner. He put himself in my position and imagined what I must me going through. I know, for a fact, that if he had not shown this kind compassion I wouldn’t have made it as long as I have.

It’s so important to show your spouse you care and understand. That you know their hurt, irritation, sadness, or anxiety isn’t about you, but about them. I encourage you to make a point to show them God’s compassion and love through you.

What can you do today to show true, selfless compassion to your spouse?

Many Blessings,

Rachel

MBM: Love Notes

This Valentine’s Day I tried to be a more creative in my approach to show M how much I love him and how thankful I am for all he does for me, and do it in a fun way. Earlier in the week I made a list of reasons why I love him, and the goal was to write the reasons on pieces of paper and leave them around the house and in his truck on Valentine’s Day.

Wednesday night after M fell asleep I got up and started my work. I had bought his favorite cookies and candy and left notes on them with reasons why I love him. Before returning to bed I wrote on his bathroom mirror “Happy Valentine’s Day! Why I love You… #1 Because you’re so cute.” The bathroom is the first place he goes in the morning, so I knew this would be the first note he would see, and he would know there was more to come. I left his favorite cookies by the coffee pot, his lunch on the table, a bag of Hershey Kisses in his boots, a Mr. Goodbar in his truck and so on, all with little notes of reasons why I love him.

 

I know, some may think this was corny and a little cheesy, but we’ll be the first to admit we’re cheesy and sappy when it comes to our love for one another. Besides, I think he really enjoyed it. It wasn’t something he was expecting, and that’s what made it fun. I’ve always been better at expressing myself through writing, so I enjoy giving M cards with expression of love and thanks. The reality is there are so many reasons why I love him-he’s caring, helpful, a great listener-I could have left little notes all over the house, but this was a fun way to celebrate the day.

I woke up to these beautiful roses and my favorite candy!
This is the biggest bag of Peanut M&M's I've ever received!

When he got home from work there was a beef jerky machine sitting on the table with a note that said, “I love you because I know you’re going to make some awesome elk jerky!” He had been talking about making elk jerky from the elk he shot back in December, and when I found the jerky machine one day while out shopping, I knew it had to be his.

We spent the rest of the evening cooking dinner together, and watching our favorite basketball team play. Unfortunately, they lost, but we rarely get to watch them on TV so it was still a great night.

Our yummy dinner. Onion soup pork chops, Yukon potatoes and asparagus.

 

Peanut butter pie and red wine...need I say more

I hope y’all had a great weekend! Happy Monday!

What creative reminders of your love can you leave for your spouse today?  

Rachel

MBM: Snow Daze

Happy Marital Bliss Monday, friends! I hope y’all had a wonderful weekend. Despite the unwelcome snow storm we got Friday and ALLLLLLL day Saturday, M and I had a great weekend together. I admit I did some grumbling when I heard we were expecting another 8 to 12 inches of snow-it has snowed here every week the past three weeks-but after watching the news Saturday morning and seeing the terrible snow storm that was taking place in the Northeast-folks without electricity, highways being closed, lives being lost- I figured I better stop my whining and be thankful that we were safe and warm. So we decided to embrace the snow and the cold, and enjoy a wonderfully white winter’s day.

Saturday we awoke to a blanket of white, and after hosting my organizing class we decided to take a little stroll into town. Us Okies aren't very confident when it comes to driving in the snow and ice; besides M got his truck stuck behind mine, so we weren't driving anywhere even if we wanted to.

 

 

Sunday we decided it would just be crazy to let all that snow go to waste. We first made an attempt to build a snowman, but the snow is like powered sugar, it doesn't stick. So we decided we just play in it!

 

 

We did get over a foot of snow, but he is sitting on his knees-he's not standing :)

 

 

 

And here is what our yard looked like after we were finished...

 

 

 

I thought this tree was pretty.

 

 

Nothing like hot chocolate after playing in the snow!

 

This weekend we also fulfilled one of our New Year’s resolutions. We are now sponsoring a child through World Vision, a little girl named Jeymy Lisbeth. She is from El Salvador and she is one year old. We are so excited about this little life being a part of ours. We think she’s pretty cute! I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this little one after we get to know her more.

Jeymy Lisbeth

So it's Valentine's Day week! M and I are cooking dinner together. We are having onion soup pork chops, grilled asparagus, potatoes and I'm making a peanut butter pie, yummy. We are extending our Valentine's Day by leaving for Denver on Friday and spending the weekend in the Mile High City. We're going to a concert, going to do some shopping and of course eat some great food. I cannot wait!

What are your plans? I'd love for you to share! I love when you leave comments. I want to get to know you better!

Have a wonderful week, friends!

XO

Rachel

MBM: Letting Go Of Being In Control

Happy Monday Friends! For Marital Bliss Monday, this week I wanted to share with you a little experiment my husband and I tried out yesterday. I admit it was a tad challenging for me, but I knew it was much needed; besides, it was my idea to do it anyway.

Yesterday I began a new Online Bible Study. The book we are reading is Let. It. Go., by Karen Ehman. It’s about learning “how to stop running the show and start walking in faith”. In other words let go of being in control, and let God take the lead. Let’s face it, us girls love to be in control, and I am no different.   It’s time for some very real and open honesty here. Outside of my home I’d say I’m pretty easygoing, and don’t care too much about being in charge, but in my home is where I want the control. I learned yesterday in my reading that I’m not one to be loud, boisterous and dominant in order to have control, but more of the soft-spoken, helpful type. I’m the one who kindly say, “Let me help you with that”, in order to have it done my way. Scary, huh? Actually, Matt and I just laugh about it, probably because I’m the first to admit I’m OCD, especially when it comes to my house-I load and unload the dishwasher a certain way; and if Matt loads it before I get to it than I always rearrange it, ask him, it absolutely drives him crazy. My kitchen has to look a certain way before I do any work, before I leave the house or before I go to bed. I even cook a certain way, and this is where our little experiment begins.

Yesterday morning as I was making our bed, I heard Matt in the kitchen. After he made the coffee I noticed he began unloading the dishwasher-now, before I go any further, don’t get me wrong, I love that I have a husband who helps me around the house like he does. I don’t even have to ask for his help, he just does. So, I didn’t and I never have ran in to the kitchen yelling, “Stop, stop, I’ll do this. You don’t do it like I want it done!” Instead, I finished making the bed, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch with my Bible and Let. It. Go. I read the first chapter “Wired to Control”. Matt had finished putting the dishes away and ran to store for bacon and biscuits-he wanted to cook breakfast. As I read, I thought back on how I felt inside when I heard Matt unloading the dishwasher while I made the bed. I felt of control and thought, “If he’ll just give me a minute, I’ll do that right after I’m finished here”. I know it’s ridiculous to be that way, and in all honesty, it only makes life more stressful when you try to be in control of everything-it is impossible.

So, when Matt returned from the store, I made a suggestion, “Let’s play a game”, I said. “I’m going to let you cook breakfast and I’m not going to interfere in anyway, in fact, you tell me how you would like me to help you, that is if you want my help. I won’t make any “suggestions”; I’ll just step back and let you run the show”.  You better believe he loved this idea, and he may have let it go to his a little bit, but it was so good for me. As we cooked breakfast and he directed me in what to do next, I picked up on feelings I get when something that is usually in my control is no longer. As I let that uncomfortable feeling run its course, in the end I’m perfectly fine…and so is my kitchen.

Now, I know Matt loves me regardless all of my faults and all the weird things I do, but I believe it’s always good and healthy to recognize those faults and begin working on them. And having someone there with you as you do just makes that journey that much easier. So, think about it ladies, what must you be in control of that probably needs to be let go?

Happy Monday All,

Rachel

Marital Bliss Monday: Showing Your Appreciation

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Proverbs 31:28

How do you show your appreciation and gratitude towards your spouse? Besides saying the words, “thank you”, do you also express your gratefulness through your actions? I have to say, this is something Matt and I do really well. Not only do we show our appreciation for one another through our words, but we also express it through our actions. I believe verbal expressions of thanks along with actions, can tell your spouse, “I notice what you do for me, and I am so thankful”. It says, “Because you’ve done this for me, I want to do this for you and help you in any way I can”.

Along with your actions, a simple acknowledgement can go a long way. I know how I feel when Matt notices something I’ve done for him. It makes me feel appreciated, wanted and needed. It also lets me know that I’ve made him happy. Matt is a great helper, but sometimes his acknowledgment of the things I do, is more than enough for me.  In return, I always want him to know that he is also appreciated, wanted and needed, because he is. Yesterday he fixed a couple things and ordered some parts for my vehicle, in which I have wanted fixed for over a year now. I didn’t want to spend the money to have someone else repair them, so I just let it go, but every time we’d get in the truck I’d make a comment about how I wished it was fixed. Well, yesterday he spent his entire afternoon looking up how to fix it and going to and from the store, and by late afternoon he did it-everything was repaired! Now, I know he really enjoyed doing it, because if he can fix something on his own he will, but I really was so happy that he did that for me. I let him know how thankful and excited I was that he was able to do that for me, and I could see in his face how proud he was to make me happy, and for me, that makes me happier than the fact that my truck is now repaired.

I know I say this all the time, and I will forever believe it, but I know in my heart Matt was a gift from God. I know this because of where I was at in my life when I met him, and for this I thank God for him every day, for He has given me a man worthy to be praised.

So, today I encourage you to stop and think about the thing your spouse does daily that you can express your gratitude for?

Many Blessings,

Rachel   

Marital Bliss Monday: Showing Affection through Physical Touch

 

"Greet one another with a holy kiss."

                                         ~Romans 16:16

 

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Five Love Languages “ by Gary Chapman, then you probably understand that by knowing your love language and the love language of your spouse, can create a better understanding of each other and your individual needs. In other words, you know what your husband needs in order to feel loved, needed and wanted. The five love languages consist of words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Some individuals possess only one type of love language, while others may have more than one.

After reading this book a few years back, I discovered that my love language is words of affirmation. I need to hear from my husband that he loves me, I’m doing a great job, or that I look nice today. As I’ve really gotten to know Matt more and more throughout our marriage, I have come to the understanding and conclusion that his love language is physical touch. See, the thing about love languages is that just because your love language is one thing doesn’t mean your husband’s is the same. Therefore, it takes awareness on your part to discover what makes him feel loved.

As I discovered that physical touch is what makes Matt feel loved and reassured in our marriage, I had to learn to become more affectionate in my actions towards him. Though physical touch isn’t something I necessarily always need, he does. Now, I make a conscious effort to, for example, lie close to him at night while he falls asleep, or reach over and hold his hand while we’re driving down the road. These acts reinforce my love for him, and show him I know what he needs.

Jesus not only used words to demonstrate His love, care and concern for people, but he too used physical touch.

 

And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.” Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.”…  Matthew 8:2-3

Now when Jesus had come into Peter’s house, He saw his wife’s mother lying sick with a fever. So He touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served them. Matthew 8:15

I believe these acts Jesus demonstrated prove how important physical touch is in order to communicate worth and value towards one another. What a wonderful lesson to learn.

Do you know your love language? Even better, do you know your spouse's love language?

Many Blessings,

Rachel

Marital Bliss Mondays: 10 Essential Behaviors to Keep Your Marriage Strong

I’m really excited about my first Marital Bliss Mondayspost. I hope you will join me in encouraging each other on how to build stronger marriages, support each other through ups and downs, lift each other up and remember each other in prayer.

 

Have you ever heard anyone say the first year marriage is always the hardest for newly married couples to get through? Sometimes even the first two years? I’ve heard it said a lot. Not necessarily directed towards me, but in conversation I’ve heard individuals say, “Well, you know, the first year of marriage can be the hardest to get through”. I’m sure there is some truth to this. Marriage is a big adjustment, but can also be a great one and a wonderful journey.

My husband and I celebrated our first year of marriage this month, and as I reflected on the past year, I was happy to discover that our first year together wasn’t hard at all. This isn’t because we are perfect people, with a perfect life so in return we have the perfect marriage. No, not at all. We are very much imperfect people, living in an imperfect world, who had to work and discover ways in which we would have a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we are continuing to learn, and we know as time goes by, and changes begin to occur in our lives, we will have to rediscover ways to keep our marriage strong.

 

I’d like to share with you a list of 10 behaviors Matt and I discovered are essential in our marriage. I know every marriage is different, and not all of these may work for you, but in return I’d love to know what makes your marriage work. I think we can all learn from and inspire each other to build stronger marriages. I’d also love to hear from you moms out there. I can understand how much life must change after the arrival of children. So, what changes were made in your marriage to keep your relationship strong, bonded, and a priority in the midst of caring for a new life?

Okay here they are 10 Essential Behaviors to Keep Your Marriage Strong. Remember, these behaviors must be possessed by both individuals. Also, I have put them in order of importance to me.

1.       Pray Together: It is so important to us that we not only have our own personal time to pray, but that we also take time each day to pray together. We both stand on the belief that God brought us together, and now together, with Him, we will triumph any struggle. Without a doubt in my mind, this has been the glue that holds together and brings us closer to God and each other every day.

2.       Pray For Each Other: Every morning after Matt kisses me bye and leaves for the day, I immediately begin praying over him. I’m usually still in bed and half asleep, because he leaves rather early. I don’t know that I even think about it, it just happens. I pray for his protection; I pray that he receives courage and strength to face the day; and I pray that he seeks God in all he does. I lift him up in prayer and know he’s protected.

3.       Learn to Communicate: I say learn, because if you’re like me, good communication will be something you have to learn to do. I was always the type to bottle up feelings, and not share them with anyone. This type of behavior can lead to a lot of stress and resentment. I soon learned that by discussing with Matt anything that was on my mind and bothering me, I was able to release a lot of tension. I go here with communication because it was such a struggle for me, but I understand communication can be so much more. We always tell each other about our days, we ask questions, show interest, share ideas and thoughts and encourage. Most importantly, we listen. Good communication isn’t complete without good listening.

4.       Encourage Each Other: We both have dreams and aspirations, and though many of these dreams are the same, several are different and our own. Not once has Matt discouraged me from something I wanted to do. If anything, he embraces it, and shares his ideas and thoughts that only motivate me more. In return, I do the same. I encourage and support him in his career and where he wants it to take him. In all he aspires to do and be, I’m behind him 100%.

5.       Help One Another: Be a team. In our house, chores are not assigned based on gender or stereotype. We both pitch in around the house, inside or out. I do agree that things fall into a system in which I may do more of the cooking and cleaning, and he takes care of things outdoors. But the point is we always ask if there is some way we can help each other. Matt doesn’t have the attitude of “I got up and worked all day, so I’m going to sit here while she cooks, and wait for my dinner to be served.” If he asks once, he asks a hundred times if there is any way he can help me. There is no right or wrong here. This is how we operate, and it works for us.

6.       Go to Each Other First: We never discuss problems, issues or concerns we may have with each other with anyone other than each other. This goes back to communication. If Matt has done something to upset me, it’s not going to help him understand or resolve the problem if I go talk to my sister about it before he even knows what the problem is. Besides our marriage is our marriage, and it’s always best to keep it that way.

7.       Say “I Love You”: Plain and simple, we always say “I love you”. There is no telling how many times a day we say it, and every time it’s said, it’s meant.

8.       Have Each Other’s Back: Don’t put each down. Have you ever been around those couples who bash each other in front of others? That’s always so painful for me to watch. I can only imagine how the one who is being bashed may feel. I never want to embarrass Matt in front of others, and I would never let someone else embarrass him. Matt is this way with me as well. When we get together with my family, my sisters love to tease me. It’s all in good fun, but Matt never encourages it and there have been times when after we left, he’d ask if I was okay. This goes back to being a team, being one.

9.       Say “Thank You”: No matter what it is, say “thank you”. I always let Matt know I’m thankful for all he does for me and for us. From getting up each morning to provide for us, to him bringing me a glass of water, I’m thankful.

10.   Have Fun: Just be silly. I love to make Matt laugh, and I love, love when he is goofy and he makes me laugh! We really do have a great time together, and because of the first nine behaviors, it’s easy for us to enjoy each other and have fun!

So now, you tell me…what has worked for you? I’d really love for you share and be a part of Marital Bliss Mondays

Have a great week everyone!

Rachel

My Most Memorable Blessing

Prior to meeting my husband on August 19, 2011, and after a long bout of experiencing a broken heart, I had decided to completely surrender the dream of meeting my perfect match to God. I prayed  that God, if it was His will, would bring me the man He created for me. I was determined to be patient, living each day knowing I would be content with what and who God wanted for my life.

When August 19^th came around, the day started just like any other day. It was a Friday, and all week my sister and I had planned on a girl’s night-coffee date and a movie. The thought never crossed my mind that in just a few short hours I would meet the man I was to marry. An hour and half away, Matt is preparing for a night out with his friends. He has flown in from Cody, WY to Oklahoma City to spend the weekend with them.  As the evening progresses, the original plans we both had had changed. He was frustrated, I was frustrated and within a few hours we both would end up in the same place at the same time.

In order to keep this short, and not bombard you with my “love story”, I am leaving out some detail, but when I think back on this night, I marvel at how God orchestrated the whole thing. Had the changes in our plans not occurred for both of us that night, are lives would be very different right now.

The second he walked up to me, I knew he was the one God created for me, just for me. The fact that he lived a thousand miles away didn’t make me question whether this was right or not. I went home that night and prayed for God to speak to my heart. From that moment on I had complete peace about Matt and our future. Not once did I question it. We are celebrating our first anniversary next month. Though this last year has been a whirlwind, and both of our lives changed so much so fast, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. We complete each other, we encourage each other, we lift each other up, and most of all we love each other unconditionally—something neither one of us had ever experienced.

With that being said, my husband is my most memorable blessing. He is a true gift from God, he is my angel. He saved me in so many ways and nothing that amazing comes from anywhere else but heaven.

 

Rachel