Monday, February 4, 2013

MBM: Letting Go Of Being In Control

Happy Monday Friends! For Marital Bliss Monday, this week I wanted to share with you a little experiment my husband and I tried out yesterday. I admit it was a tad challenging for me, but I knew it was much needed; besides, it was my idea to do it anyway.
Yesterday I began a new Online Bible Study. The book we are reading is Let. It. Go., by Karen Ehman. It’s about learning “how to stop running the show and start walking in faith”. In other words let go of being in control, and let God take the lead. Let’s face it, us girls love to be in control, and I am no different.   It’s time for some very real and open honesty here. Outside of my home I’d say I’m pretty easygoing, and don’t care too much about being in charge, but in my home is where I want the control. I learned yesterday in my reading that I’m not one to be loud, boisterous and dominant in order to have control, but more of the soft-spoken, helpful type. I’m the one who kindly say, “Let me help you with that”, in order to have it done my way. Scary, huh? Actually, Matt and I just laugh about it, probably because I’m the first to admit I’m OCD, especially when it comes to my house-I load and unload the dishwasher a certain way; and if Matt loads it before I get to it than I always rearrange it, ask him, it absolutely drives him crazy. My kitchen has to look a certain way before I do any work, before I leave the house or before I go to bed. I even cook a certain way, and this is where our little experiment begins.

Yesterday morning as I was making our bed, I heard Matt in the kitchen. After he made the coffee I noticed he began unloading the dishwasher-now, before I go any further, don’t get me wrong, I love that I have a husband who helps me around the house like he does. I don’t even have to ask for his help, he just does. So, I didn’t and I never have ran in to the kitchen yelling, “Stop, stop, I’ll do this. You don’t do it like I want it done!” Instead, I finished making the bed, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch with my Bible and Let. It. Go. I read the first chapter “Wired to Control”. Matt had finished putting the dishes away and ran to store for bacon and biscuits-he wanted to cook breakfast. As I read, I thought back on how I felt inside when I heard Matt unloading the dishwasher while I made the bed. I felt of control and thought, “If he’ll just give me a minute, I’ll do that right after I’m finished here”. I know it’s ridiculous to be that way, and in all honesty, it only makes life more stressful when you try to be in control of everything-it is impossible.
So, when Matt returned from the store, I made a suggestion, “Let’s play a game”, I said. “I’m going to let you cook breakfast and I’m not going to interfere in anyway, in fact, you tell me how you would like me to help you, that is if you want my help. I won’t make any “suggestions”; I’ll just step back and let you run the show”.  You better believe he loved this idea, and he may have let it go to his a little bit, but it was so good for me. As we cooked breakfast and he directed me in what to do next, I picked up on feelings I get when something that is usually in my control is no longer. As I let that uncomfortable feeling run its course, in the end I’m perfectly fine…and so is my kitchen.
Now, I know Matt loves me regardless all of my faults and all the weird things I do, but I believe it’s always good and healthy to recognize those faults and begin working on them. And having someone there with you as you do just makes that journey that much easier. So, think about it ladies, what must you be in control of that probably needs to be let go?
Happy Monday All,


  1. Oh you have no idea how many times my Beloved and I have had quarrels about who is doing what job. For me especially I struggle with him doing laundry. After 20 years it's still a struggle for me to let go and let him... It isn't that I don't appreciate his help, it's that I feel guilty that I haven't gotten to it. It's also that I feel I can do it better...
    Don't get me wrong. He often does the same with me. If I say, mow grass, he gets upset, because 1. I don't do it the same way as he. and 2. because he didn't have time to do it himself.
    So this must be a common issue with marrieds. Just last week my own momma was arguing with my daddy about something similar. :) Hang in there, your doing a great job of learning to let go of control.

    1. It's always so good to know I'm not alone. And you hit the nail on the head when you said that it isn't that you don't appreciate your husbands help, but you feel guilty for not getting to it before he does. That's exactly how I felt yesterday. But I think as long as the two of us can laugh about it and learn from it along the way we're going to do just fine :)

  2. I'm guilty of being a controller at home too. I am a dishwasher re-arranger like you. I should give my husband a break and try asking him how he'd like me to help now and then. It does relieve stress when you stop controlling little things here and there. Thanks for the reminder.

  3. Being rasied in a home where my mother took care of everything from bills to housework to yardwork, itis just simply wired in my brain. I'm trying, with the Lord's help, after 12 years of marriage to let my husband just do somethings without me hovering or giving instructions. Thank you for this wonderful read!!!